I mean, I always expected to have to put the baby before myself, that goes without saying. But having to put every single person ever before myself, that I didn’t expect, yet that is how I currently feel.
I feel like I am constantly being harassed with comments along the lines of ‘you never come to see us’, sorry, I stupidly assumed that if people wanted to see us they would come and see us, why do I have to make the effort to go and see everyone to keep them happy?
The weekend arrives, I naively thought that we would spend our weekends doing family things, just the three of us, visiting zoos and aquariums, going for walks and picnics. But no, everyone else is also off work at the weekend so everyone else expects me to put my life on hold so that they can see us.
Maybe I’m being ungrateful. I should appreciate and enjoy the fact that people want to see my daughter. I’ve not had much sleep lately and currently have a very grizzly baby so am probably overreacting. The point is that I feel as if I’m expected to please everyone, yet no one is expected to please me.
Spencer’s response to this was that I go to Slimming World and then out with my mother, auntie & cousin, and of course Aria, every Wednesday. Should I really be expected to settle for this? One day a week going to a slimming club and eating at the local Wetherspoons. Is this really how exciting my life has become?
Don’t get me wrong, Spencer is good and will have Aria so that I can go out, as he should do, he is her dad after all. But going out and getting drunk while Aria is in bed isn’t what, I want family days out, just the three of us.
I was looking through old photos of Spencer and I earlier as I’m writing about ‘our beginning’ for What the Redhead said blog. We used to have so much fun. We used to do so much. Granted, we wouldn’t want to do a lot of it now that we are parents, the thought of partying until early hours of the morning sends shivers down my spine. We didn’t just party though, we would go to the beach, go for lovely walks, go and visit local attractions, even just spend a day out shopping and stop for food. Why has this all stopped? Because we are too busy pleasing everyone else.
It is time to stop pleasing everyone else and think about pleasing myself.