aka, the terrible twos. That’s right, my sweet little daughter is officially a twatty two. She isn’t even two until next month, she is behind with pretty much everything else but she just couldn’t wait to get this ‘phase’ started. I use inverted commas because I really hope that it is just a phase and not an actual personality transplant.
So what do the twatty twos involve…
Well my darling daughter has a tendency to be an angel in front of others, people often look at me in disbelief when I tell them that she is in fact the devil reincarnated. She is actually shy at times, when there are lots of people about she often looks to me for help and guidance. We attend a regular music and dance class and she won’t even go and get an instrument herself, I have to go with her.
Well, I’ll let you in on a not so secretive secret. It is all an act.
At home she is clingy, stroppy and demanding.
She hands me the remote and says ‘Peppa’, she cries when adverts come on in the middle of Peppa, I get that adverts are annoying but come on!
She has perfected ‘the drop and strop’ in remarkable style.
Just the other day she decided that she wanted to sit on my lap to eat her food instead of high chair, she cried, and cried, and cried, so I took her out of her highchair and put her on the floor. Of course that wasn’t giving her what she wanted as she wanted to be on my lap. She looked me straight in the eyes and… threw a pea at me as hard as she could, which isn’t very hard but still.. devil reincarnated. Where did she get the pea I hear you ask? It was one of many that she had thrown on the floor when I sat her down to eat her tea of course.
She is clingy to the point that I can’t do anything. She cries when I leave the room, even if just for a drink. She refuses to nap, unless of course it’s on me. She cries in pushchair when she is tired as she wants me to carry her so that she can sleep on me. She will cry all the way home, even if we are an hour away.
People say that I should make the most of my little cling on, why would you moan about your baby wanting to spend time with you and giving you constant cwtches, they ask. Because, I am a person and I have a life and I have things to do that aren’t really doable with a toddler clinging onto my yoghurt covered leggings and screaming.
Don’t get me wrong, a clingy day here and there is nice, it means sitting on the sofa watching films and not doing much else, but when it comes to day eight of not even being able to go to the toilet without an audience it really gets quite shitty (sometimes even literally..).
Other twatty behaviour includes crying because she wants a yoghurt rather than the pizza that I’ve given her (why!?!), crying because she is tired but doesn’t want to go to bed and crying because my iPad is allowed to be used for nothing other than Peppa Pig related activities.
and don’t even get me started on Earl the twat cat.