When The Going Gets Tough, The Fat Get Fatter

When The Going Gets Tough, The Fat Get Fatter

I’m fat. I’m overweight and struggling. I am out of control, I can’t stop eating. I’ve hit self destruct and I can’t find a way back.

I’m uncomfortable and self conscious. Working from home means that I don’t see people very often, on the rare occasion that I do see people I assume that they look at me and think ‘wow, she’s got fat’.

I’m the heaviest that I’ve ever been. I haven’t weighed myself in months, I don’t dare to.

I hate watching back my YouTube videos and counting my chins. I hate getting dressed in the morning to find that my clothes have got a little tighter again.

I spiralled out of control last year. I assumed that I would get past this once I started working from home and had the time to prepare delicious, healthy meals. Instead I’m reaching for the chocolate and the takeaway menus even more than before.

I’m even ‘secret eating’. I’m at the point where I will pretend to eat one Kit Kat, but instead I’ll sneak another one in when Spencer isn’t looking.

I eat when I’m sad, I eat when I’m happy, I eat when I’m just ‘meh’. The fatter I get and the more down I feel, the more I eat to cheer myself up.

I need to do something but I just don’t know what. I think I have to give in and walk into a slimming world meeting again. I’m not sure I can do this alone, I’m not even sure that the support of a group will help me, but I am at the point where I need to try something, I need to try anything.

I am overweight and struggling and I don’t know what to do, all I know is that I can’t go on this way.

12 Comments

  1. February 12, 2017 / 9:01 pm

    I could have written this. Literally, word for word. I’m heavier than when I was 40 weeks pregnant with Fred and I get ‘shocked’ if I see my body in a video or photo because my head hasn’t seemed to have caught up. I also want to go back to slimming world but if I’m honest – I also can’t face ‘failing’ – again! Big hugs love .. it’s tough

  2. sian
    February 12, 2017 / 9:02 pm

    Oh hunni you aren’t alone. It’s hard when you have children and I know how you feel. I think it’s a vicious circle as you wanna eat healthy and loose weight but you also need the time to prepare the meals and unhealthy foods are always a quick fix. Always something to do in the home cleaning etc or doing something with the children and never enough time. Don’t put yourself down. Spencer lives you for you and so does Aria. Maybe wen she starts playgroup that’s if she’s going you’ll have a few hours spare to prepare your meals or even do abit of exercise. Always remember do it for you no one else. And sod to what anyone else thinks they don’t live your life or in your shoes. They obviously are small minded and not worth your time xxxxx

  3. February 12, 2017 / 9:59 pm

    It’s so hard isn’t it, I think working from home makes it too easy to reach for the biscuits. Every evening I find myself nibbling on naughty stuff even though I know I shouldn’t. I’ve been stuck in a bad eating rut for a few years and even getting diagnosed with type 2 diabetes hasn’t been enough to make me stop. You are a lovely person, that shines through your blog and vlogs, be kind to yourself you will get there in your own time x

  4. February 12, 2017 / 10:11 pm

    I hear you. I’m secret eater too, hiding food and snacking when nobody is looking. It needs to stop but the more I think about cutting back the more I seem to eat.

  5. February 12, 2017 / 10:39 pm

    Leanne I was like that. I’d eat a whole packet of chocolates in minutes then search for more. None of my clothes fitted and I struggled to bend over or play with Bear. I know you have done Slimming World before and had great success, I’m 5 weeks in and have lost 11.5lbs. Thats nearly a stone. I joined and put it on my blog so I have to be good otherwise everyone will know! You can do it, once you get started you will see the difference xxx

  6. February 12, 2017 / 11:13 pm

    Oh boy do I hear you on this! I, like Ceri said, also weigh more now than I did full term pregnant….over a stone more…. I feel everything you feel. And these ladies are right you are definitely not alone. If you want to hash it out and moan to someone, plan how to shift some weight etc then I would be more than happy to listen and join in with you! I think you look lovely as you are but I also know exactly what it feels like to feel uncomfortable in your own body.
    Let me know if you want to talk!

  7. February 13, 2017 / 11:32 am

    I could have written this lost over 3 stone last year with sw put on half stone since xmas cause I’m slipping back in to my old ways , your inspiring me to get back on it xx

  8. February 13, 2017 / 10:54 pm

    Aw Leanne, I am so sad to read that you are feeling so low about it all. I think you are fabulous just as you are, but i also know how it feels when you don’t feel your best. Writing about it is the first step though and you have so many people rooting for you, judging by all the comments and responses. I find yoga really helps me tone and shift weight. Yoga with Adriene on YouTube is a good place to start, lots of short 20-30 minutes sessions you can just fit in as and when. I know it’s not easy finding time when you have work and a small child. Good luck to you and keep us updated on your progress. xx

  9. February 17, 2017 / 8:21 pm

    This breaks my heart. It is me writing this. I’m a secret eater too. I can’t advise, I can just send a virtual hug. If you need a support then count me in 😊. Just remember, despite how you feel you are fabulous x

  10. February 21, 2017 / 10:04 am

    It’s so hard I totally relate to this Leanne

  11. February 24, 2017 / 9:48 pm

    I so could have written this as it is exactly how I feel too. I joined sw (for the 4th time) to try and do something about my weight but I missed 2 weeks in a row as I hadn’t stuck to it. xx

  12. March 21, 2017 / 7:26 am

    I think a great way for you to kick start something would be to blog about your journey on here. Go to a class if you think that will help too. I joined Weight Watchers online 3 years ago and lost over 2 stone. I use the app and I’ve kept the weight off (even started a fitness blog! – me, the former fatty!) – You CAN do this, it’s just about finding what works for you. I couldn’t face a class so I did it online and with the support of my husband and work colleague (a fellow weightwatcher) xx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *