Author Bio : Heidi Hayes is the CEO of Donor Egg Bank USA. She has more than 20 years of healthcare experience and has worked extensively in the field of reproductive endocrinology. Having been unsuccessful at traditional IUI and IVF treatments, Heidi personally understands the struggles of infertility. After many years of trying to conceive, she ultimately built her family through adoption and donor egg treatment. She always believed that if she didn’t give up, her ultimate goal of becoming a parent would someday become a reality.
Infertility is more common than you think. It sometimes a hush-hush topic or considered taboo, which is why many people keep their fertility journals private and do not share a whole lot about their feelings, thoughts and emotions. But, the truth is that you probably know quite a few people dealing with the sense of hopelessness that infertility can cause.
Fortunately, there are many options for couples dealing with family building challenges. There is no cookie cutter way to handle infertility. Some couples may choose other means to start a family, or simply decide to find other goals in life. There is no right or wrong way to deal with the situation and each journey is unique and special. Finding an egg donor is a choice that some couples make, and it can be a wonderful experience.
I started this company in hopes of creating a safe place for people to come with their concerns, questions and ideas. It is not a place where we are going to tell you what to do. It is a place where you tell us what you want, and we do everything in our power to make it happen. The control is in your hands.
The Pain of Infertility
When you begin trying to get pregnant and month after month you aren’t successful, it can be surprising and frustrating. Initially you think it just may take more time. Then over time you realize that you may not be able to get pregnant on your own. When this happens, it is natural to feel angry, depressed and anxious. Your vision for your future has been altered. You will have to come to terms with your new reality, but that will take time. Give yourself some time to work through it and don’t be too hard on yourself.
Infertility can be painful for couples. It can be especially hard on the parent who feels that they are “to blame.” If you are looking for donor eggs, then you have probably determined that the issue is with your eggs. But you are not to blame for anything. You are not in any way at fault. You are not damaged. You are still worthy of being a mother. You have not failed as a wife.
You may even feel concerned that your husband will leave you, or that extended family is judging you. The stress of infertility can make you imagine such worst-case scenarios. However, if anyone ever makes you feel like you are faulty or not good enough because you haven’t produced a baby, just know that they do not understand the way that infertility works and its many causes.
Coping with the Disappointment of Not Using Your Own Eggs
It can be a terrible feeling to have to come to terms with the fact that your eggs are not an option when it comes to building your family. Many women dream of being pregnant, carrying a baby, and bringing that baby home to a loving family. We rarely consider the possibility that our eggs will not be viable for whatever reason. But when a woman is confronted with this reality, it is natural and normal to feel a sense of grief.
You may feel sad that you will not share the genetic connection that you have always dreamed of, but children come to families in a multitude of ways. Yours will just come to you in a slightly different manner than you had imagined. Rest assured, your baby will be your pride and joy – even if he or she doesn’t look just like you.
Life with Children
The most important thing that you will have to prepare for is actually raising your baby.However this beautiful gift comes to you, your life will be changed forever. Your child, or children, will give you renewed sense of purpose and hope.
My family was built on a strong foundation of love and mutual respect, but not on genetics. We have become parents through adoption as well as donor egg IVF and our children are every bit as much mine as they ever would have been if I had been able to get pregnant “the natural way.” I also enjoy that my twins that were conceived with donor eggs have a genetic connection to my husband and that I was able to carry the pregnancy.
I am so happy to be a part of Donor Egg Bank, USA because it helps people to achieve their dreams and overcome an obstacle that may seem overwhelming or insurmountable. I am inspired daily by the stories of clients and friends. They never gave up on their dreams of a family, and neither should you. There are options out there. You may also be shocked to find out how many people you know who have dealt with this issue. Be open and honest with a few friends and you will likely be flooded with stories of family members, friends, neighbours and colleagues who face the infertility struggle. You are not alone.
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