When The Going Gets Tough, The Fat Get Fatter

I’m fat. I’m overweight and struggling. I am out of control, I can’t stop eating. I’ve hit self destruct and I can’t find a way back.

I’m uncomfortable and self conscious. Working from home means that I don’t see people very often, on the rare occasion that I do see people I assume that they look at me and think ‘wow, she’s got fat’.

I’m the heaviest that I’ve ever been. I haven’t weighed myself in months, I don’t dare to.

I hate watching back my YouTube videos and counting my chins. I hate getting dressed in the morning to find that my clothes have got a little tighter again.

I spiralled out of control last year. I assumed that I would get past this once I started working from home and had the time to prepare delicious, healthy meals. Instead I’m reaching for the chocolate and the takeaway menus even more than before.

I’m even ‘secret eating’. I’m at the point where I will pretend to eat one Kit Kat, but instead I’ll sneak another one in when Spencer isn’t looking.

I eat when I’m sad, I eat when I’m happy, I eat when I’m just ‘meh’. The fatter I get and the more down I feel, the more I eat to cheer myself up.

I need to do something but I just don’t know what. I think I have to give in and walk into a slimming world meeting again. I’m not sure I can do this alone, I’m not even sure that the support of a group will help me, but I am at the point where I need to try something, I need to try anything.

I am overweight and struggling and I don’t know what to do, all I know is that I can’t go on this way.