When the going gets tough, the fat get fatter - I am out of control, I am obese and I can't stop eating my emotions - overweight and struggling

I’m fat. I’m overweight and struggling. I am out of control, I can’t stop eating. I’ve hit self destruct and I can’t find a way back.

I’m uncomfortable and self conscious. Working from home means that I don’t see people very often, on the rare occasion that I do see people I assume that they look at me and think ‘wow, she’s got fat’.

I’m the heaviest that I’ve ever been. I haven’t weighed myself in months, I don’t dare to.

I hate watching back my YouTube videos and counting my chins. I hate getting dressed in the morning to find that my clothes have got a little tighter again.

I spiralled out of control last year. I assumed that I would get past this once I started working from home and had the time to prepare delicious, healthy meals. Instead I’m reaching for the chocolate and the takeaway menus even more than before.

I’m even ‘secret eating’. I’m at the point where I will pretend to eat one Kit Kat, but instead I’ll sneak another one in when Spencer isn’t looking.

I eat when I’m sad, I eat when I’m happy, I eat when I’m just ‘meh’. The fatter I get and the more down I feel, the more I eat to cheer myself up.

I need to do something but I just don’t know what. I think I have to give in and walk into a slimming world meeting again. I’m not sure I can do this alone, I’m not even sure that the support of a group will help me, but I am at the point where I need to try something, I need to try anything.

I am overweight and struggling and I don’t know what to do, all I know is that I can’t go on this way.

Last week I mentioned that I was relaxing my ‘diet’ between now and Christmas, while I am still going to eat healthy I am not going to count syns, worry about meal plans or say no to yummy treats. I have bought a FitBit and am attempting to do at least 10,000 steps everyday, which is something that I surprisingly managed quite a few times last week, I also tracked calories consumed versus calories burned on a few days and made sure this was under.

header picture for slimming world blog post


All of the above seems to have worked for me, I have lost a fantastic 2 & 1/2 pounds this week, my trousers have felt very baggy but I have had so many sweet treats this past week that I really didn’t expect it. It just shows that a little bit of exercise and eating healthy the majority of the time means that you can allow yourself to have a treat. I haven’t been counting syns so have no idea whether I was within them or not, I do know though that the majority of my meals have been syn free and on days where they weren’t I did try and avoid any extra treats.
Another thing that I’ve relaxed is taking photos of my food, I am going to enjoy food during this break and am not worrying about finding my camera and letting my food go cold while I take twenty different photos! I did manage to take photos of my two favourite meals as follows.

chinese five spice chicken with garlic & spinach rice
Chinese Five Spice Chicken with garlic and spinach rice.

For this one I sliced up a chicken breast, fried in fry light until cooked through, added onions and fried for about five minutes. Mixed fat free yoghurt with Chinese Five spice, added this into the pan, stirred through for about five minutes. I cooked the rice as usual, when it was finished I drained the water and added chopped garlic and spinach.

asda cheese & ham crust chicken fillets

Asda Cheese & Ham Crust Chicken fillets with paprika chips and mixed veg.
These chicken fillets from Asda are beautiful, I’ve just checked and they are 6 syns each, everything else that day was syn free so I had a good day that day! The chips were just cooked in the acti fry with a sprinkling of smoked paprika, there wasn’t much flavour so I didn’t add anywhere near as much, next time I will use loads.
What have been your favourite healthy meals this week? Have you relaxed your diet now that Christmas is approaching?

With December comes a lot of food temptations, walking through town and spotting those little wooden huts selling all kinds of sweet and savoury treats makes ‘dieting’ rather difficult. I am going to hold my hands up and admit that I am struggling, like really struggling. 

Slimming World weigh in the struggle and motivation loss


This week at weigh in I had put 2lbs on, which is no surprise. I had a bad week last week and actually decided to give Slimming World up for a little while, I developed a I don’t care attitude and even had a Chinese before weigh in which is unlike me, I will be naughty all week but always make sure that I have a good day before weigh in!

Yesterday after weigh in I went out and bought pancakes with Nutella and marshmallows from one of those Christmas huts, I had a gourmet burger for lunch followed by a chocolate fudge cake and custard. A little later on I had a chocolate waffle and a Wispa. I don’t regret a thing.

Today I am feeling a little more positive about my weight loss journey. I am going to carry on attending Slimming World on a weekly basis, I’ve bought a countdown so would be stupid not to. I’m not going to stick 100% to plan, it is December and I am going to enjoy the Christmas season. I am, however, going to try and eat as healthy as I can when in the house.

I bought a Fitbit last week and today I have started tracking everything that I eat on there, for now my aim is to consume less calories than I burn off, or at least the same amount. If I lose weight this way then great, if I don’t I’m not too bothered, so long as I don’t go piling on what I have previously lost I will be happy.

I am hoping that this little break will do me good, a month of enjoying naughty treats will hopefully leave me feeling refreshed and ready to go come January. I will still be posting updates weekly about my weight gains/losses and sharing the healthy food that I did enjoy that week.

Slimming World, it isn’t goodbye, it’s see you later. 

Last week I mentioned that I was really struggling to motivate myself to stick to plan. Just admitting to that helped a lot and seemed to make me more focussed. I did still have a few days of naughtiness but overall I managed to stick to plan and as a result lost 1.5lbs.

As for the week ahead, I had my binge today as I always do on weigh day, I know this doesn’t work for everyone but it does for me. I ordered Indian for tea tonight and ordered a bit more so that I can have the leftovers tomorrow, I’m at a funeral and don’t think I’ll want to cook afterwards. Other than that I am hoping to be on plan 100% for the rest of the week.

slimming world weekly weigh in and food diary header photo

Thursday
slimming world tomato and sausage pasta
slimming world turkey burger chips and cheesy garlic mushroom
Breakfast – 2 hi-fi bars
Lunch – 4 Slimming World sausages, Slimming World tomato sauce & pasta
Tea – Turkey burger, parsnips, carrots, chips, cheesy garlic mushroom, onions, tomato & cucumber
Healthy Extras – 20g lighter cheese, 125ml semi skimmed milk and 2 hi-fi bars
Total syns – 0

Friday
slimming world diet coke chicken and spinach
slimming world chilli and potatoes
Breakfast – 2 hi-fi bars
Lunch – Diet coke chicken, rice & spinach
Tea – Speedy chilli, roasted new potatoes, cheese & pickled onions
Snacks – hi-fi bar (3 syns)
Healthy extras – 2 hi-fi bars, 20g lighter cheese and 125ml semi skimmed milk
Total syns – 3

Saturday (off plan)

Breakfast – 2 hi-fi bars, Muller Light & apple
Lunch – salami and dried pork snacks
Tea – Meal out – burger, chips, chocolate cake & custard and alcohol

Sunday
slimming world cheesy garlic chicken, italian chicken and rice
Breakfast/Lunch – Sausage & egg sandwich
Tea – Cheesy garlic chicken, Italian chicken, garlic & spinach rice, carrots and parsnip
Snacks – Hot chocolate (1.5 syns), cream (5 syns), marshmallows (4 syns), popcorn (5 syns) and apple
Healthy extras – 2 slices of wholemeal bread, 20g light cheese and 125ml semi skimmed milk
Total syns – 15.5

Monday

Breakfast – 2 weetabix, milk and blueberries
Lunch – Subway beef salad
Tea – Buttered bean & pork casserole with small wholemeal bread roll (tea at in-laws, no idea on syns)
Pudding – Rock cake
Snacks – Costa medium skinny latte (5.5 syns) and banana
Healthy extras – 250ml semi skimmed milk and 2 weetabix

Tuesday
slimming world speedy spag bol
Breakfast – Weetabix, milk and mixed berries
Lunch – M&S Sushi (4 syns) and fruit salad
Tea – Speedy spag bol and pickled onions
Snacks – Costa medium skinny latte (5.5 syns), hi-fi bar (3 syns) and Lindor Moment (6 syns)
Healthy extras – 250ml semi skimmed milk and 2 weetabix
Total syns – 18.5

What have you been eating this week? What are your favourite healthy Winter warmers?

I’ll be honest, I’m struggling, a lot. My motivation has gone. I gained half a pound this week, which actually surprised me because in all honesty I deserved to have gained more.

slimming world weekly weigh in blog post

My clothes are no longer tight on me because I’ve lost one and a half stone, the colder weather means that I can hide under baggy jumpers and coats and am not wearing clothes that result in my thighs rubbing together. I eat with my emotions and it has been an emotional week. I am also the queen of excuses. 


Wednesday I was quite unwell, I felt a little better in the evening so treated myself to a pizza. Friday I still felt sorry for myself so ordered yet another pizza. Saturday I decided to go hand my CV into some local shops because I wanted to find a new job, I was asked to fill one application form in and take it straight back, so I filled it in in Starbucks with a coffee and a cake. Sunday we went out for food with friends, they had an offer on three courses for £12 and I couldn’t resist. Monday I decided that I needed to be back on plan 100%, I even ate salad for lunch, that morning I got myself a new job, husband bought me chocolate cake to celebrate. Tuesday I had a whole day on plan – amazing!

As you can see from the above, when I’m down I eat, when I’m happy I eat, when I’m stressed I eat. This is no good at all and I really need to change my mindset and reward/cheer myself up with something other than naughty food.

My consultant has given me a food diary to fill in this week, I am hoping that this will motive me to stick to plan. I am going out for a meal with the girls on Saturday night and will be naughty then, but other than that I am really hoping that writing it down will give me the kick that I need.

How do you stick to plan when you are feeling comfortable and have lost all motivation? Do you eat your emotions?