I wake up, stretch, turn to my husband and say “my back is aching, I must have slept awkwardly” I think nothing of it, not until my husband turns around and utters the words “I would be more shocked if you didn’t moan about something in the morning”.
We shake the parachute at baby group and I struggle, alternating my arms because they feel so heavy. Within the first half hour of being sat on the floor my feet go dead, closely followed by my legs. I have pins and needles and I need to shake it out, I am so uncomfortable. I dread Aria’s favourite ‘horsey horsey’ because my legs really don’t appreciate being used to bounce an excited toddler around. I look around at the other mum’s, expecting to see them suffering too, but they sit there smiling and happily bouncing a toddler on their legs, sometimes two!
The exhaustion has me in a pretty much permanent zombie like state. I walk around in a daze, just surviving a day at a time. I long for bed so badly. All I want to do is lie on the sofa watching TV, or looking at my phone. My house is a mess, we eat far too many takeaways, even getting up to change a nappy is a chore. Despite this, I can’t get to sleep. Instead I toss and turn, my brain in overdrive, thinking about all the things that I need to do, thinking about all the things that I’ll forget come tomorrow morning.
My brain just doesn’t function like it used to. I’m forgetful and I can’t concentrate. Things literally go in one ear and out the other.
I get stressed because I am annoyed with myself for being so useless, this results in more pain. It brings on the headaches, the neck ache and the most horrific jaw ache.
I consider phong the Doctors, but then I question – do I need a diagnosis, or is this just motherhood?