In the early days of motherhood with baby number two I struggled. Massively. I was convinced that I was battling PND and I lost myself for quite a while.
One year has passed, and I think I have it under control. Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle most days, but, for the most part, I feel like me again. These struggles seem like normal, motherhood struggles, not like before. Before it was different, it was darker. Now I know that if I’m having a bad day it’s okay. Now I understand that It’s okay to not be okay.
I didn’t see a Doctor, I booked an appointment but a huge cyst appeared on my back the day before the appointment so I used the appointment to chat about that, and ended up being sent to hospital to get it drained! I mentioned that I was feeling down while I was there, but as I’d used my appointment for something else the Doctor didn’t have time to discuss it. He gave me some links and said to book in again if I felt like I needed to. Looking back now I realise how bad that was, mental health should never be brushed off, but maybe that’s just a sign of the struggling NHS, or maybe my Doctor just wasn’t great.
Despite the Doctor having no time to discuss my concerns, that appointment helped. Just saying those words out loud “I’m struggling, I think I may have PND” helped. Talking about it on my blog and social media helped. You made me realise that those feelings didn’t make me a bad person, that it’s okay to not be okay.
To this day I’m still not sure if I had PND, all I know is that I lost me for a little while.